Just Kind Of Wondering Where I'll Go
by xxbutterfleye
Summary: R.I.P. My Uncle


**A/N: **Alrighty, so this is based on true events. My Uncle Bobby was indeed dying, he has passed now. I wrote this as a kind of memory for when he did actually die. R.I.P. Uncle Bobby

~_RB_

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**Just Kind of Wondering Where I'll Go When You're Gone**

I sat in the second row, side seat of my aunts SUV Excursion; my cold, distant blue eyes silently watching the scenery fly past me. The air conditioning blew softly on my face, drying my tears. I rested my chin on my knees, which were securely held against my chest. Anyone who saw me would think I was trying to hold myself together. It certainly felt like I was. I could hear my aunt choking out her words in the front seat.

"…and it's not the way he looked. It was that I've let so many years go by. How long was it? Five years? I missed being able to see him walk. You know, one time, I was walking with Allie down a sidewalk and I saw Nonnie and Bobby walking on the other side. I wanted to walk over but I didn't. I didn't do it…" she relapsed into tears again. My mom put a hand on her arm.

"It's in the past now. You saw him today, that's what matters. He said you could see him next week too didn't he?" My aunt nodded and sniffed. "Then we'll go see him again."

My mother always amazes me with her ability to stay strong through most situations. She knows what to say, knows what to do, knows how to act. I glance to them for one moment then look back to the window. I wasn't sure why, but all I could think of was a short memory of a fight I had with a spider four days ago in my bathroom…

I was waiting for the water to warm up when a small spider crawled along the side of the bathtub/shower. I felt my blood run cold. I'm terrified of spiders. Now, just telling you this next bit of information because, though it's a minority, it is still probably better off mentioning it. My toilet is semi-broken. The lid got ripped off somehow. But anyway, I took the lid and tried to crush the spider with it. Somehow the tiny creature escaped my porcelain Excalibur. I tried over and over again to rid myself of the beast, but it kept shrinking into the corner of the wall, out of the reach of my toilet lid. I finally caught it off guard and killed the little bugger. As I showered, I must admit, I started pondering what the spider was thinking as I swung away at it. When the lid hit the wall, and or tub, it made a very loud bang. If even to my larger human ears it was pretty loud, how did it sound to the spider? The poor thing was probably scared out of its' mind. If spiders can cry I'm sure this one was sobbing hysterically. What a sad way to go, scared half to death, trying to escape your horrid fate. I felt bad for a few seconds, and then shook the thought away from my half awake mind.

After that blip of memory, I thought: _I wonder if spiders get depressed when they think of how many people can't bear the thought of them. Do they sigh in grief when people cry upon seeing them? Why are so many people afraid of spiders? They leave everyone alone; all they want is to go on with their lives. They know they are insignificant to the world around them so they try to not cause much trouble. When given the chance I'm sure they would be kind, quiet creatures. That's just it though. No one gives them a chance. Not even fate. We just continue ending their already limited lives, and why? Because we are afraid of them, their outer appearances make us scream out in terror. We don't care about how it makes them feel, we are selfish and already scared. A very bad situation for our eight legged friends. If we let them be even that._ I know their probably silly thoughts but, I think that my uncle really resembles a spider right now. He's probably mindlessly scared of dying, and he's probably tired of hearing people go into hysterics when they see his anorexic thin body. Don't get me wrong, seeing him is a bit unnerving. As mentioned before, he's very thin. His face is grim and gaunt, his pale blue eyes are sunken and sad. After walking into the dimly lit room and kissing him hello, I left the room and went down stairs. I walked into the office. There were pictures of my older cousins, his daughters. They'd be losing their father soon. I thanked God that they were adults. I passed by each of the pictures; my step-aunt, my step-cousins, my blood-cousins…my uncle. I stopped at one picture from about six years ago. Had he really ever been that filled out? I can't remember when I saw him with actual muscle and peach colored skin. I only saw him as a pale skeletal figure unable to leave a bed. As walked back up to join my mom, step-aunt, grandma, aunt and Uncle Bobby, I thought about my family. Then I realized something. He's my only uncle. He's it, I don't have any more. I got my sense of humor from him. I have his stubborn attitude. I and he are pretty close together when compared. We stayed at the house for about thirty minutes, and then he became tired so we all left him and my step-aunt.

Hearing him talk today was like hearing my grandfather, days before his death. In fact I'm pretty sure the same conversation went on. I said I loved him and he responded the same, it was just incomprehensible. My uncle wasn't the biggest contributor in my life, but I still loved him very, very much. And I'm just kind of wondering where I'll go when he's gone.


End file.
